Casual Habana

I want to start off this post by apologizing.  I’m sorry.  I don’t want to come off as a food snob or think I’m better than some other chefs/cooks out there.  But in this case, I can’t help it.  Every industry out there has people that are great at what they do, and then there are the majority that are good at what they do, then the few that just can’t quite cut it, and then the last group, the group of people that just don’t give a shit whatsoever.  I know not every restaurant out there can live up to NYC standards.  I truly believe you should support your local businesses.  Last night I ate at a Cuban restaurant called Casual Habana located in Hackensack, NJ.  By golly, everything inside of me told me not to write this post, but I will let every reader out there know that with every last ounce of passion and respect that I have for this field, that I can’t wait to rip this place apart. 

Let’s start with the dining scene in NJ.  I am sure every person out there has seen an episode of “No Reservations”, featuring Anthony Bourdain.  A few years ago Bourdain, who actually grew up in NJ, did an episode of No Reservations based on his home state.  He was quick to say that the state that was located so close to the epicenter of dining in the world (NYC) could be such a culinary wasteland.  New Jersey, the “armpit of America”, and the most densely populated state in the nation.  The first half of the episode is so depressing.  Bourdain makes a point to revisit some of the cheap eateries he spent most of his stoner teenage years at.  First stop, a fried hot dog in Leonia, followed by an Italian sub at a strip club called “The Bada-Bing Club”, then ending with none other than a grilled cheese sandwich at a desolate beach in Asbury Park. 

Although he finished the episode on some high notes dining at a Korean bbq restaurant located in an empty parking lot, showcasing fresh seafood down the shore, and even bringing Mario Batali into the mix to visit an Italian bakery, anyone that is new to New Jersey can’t help but think the state is nothing more than endless parking lots, industrial wasteland, strip malls, jug-handles, and round-a-bouts.  Having lived and worked in NJ for a few years I can tell you there are plenty of great restaurants and dining destinations if you look hard enough.  But Casual Habana is not one of them. 

I went to the restaurant to meet a group of friends that live in the area of Hackensack.  If you’re a burger lover you most likely heard of "White Manna", which is located in this town, and helped put Hackensack on the culinary map.  I could go on and on about the sliders they push out which put White Castle not only to shame, but take it by the arse and throw it into the dumpster.  However, that’s another post altogether.   

Casual Habana is located on Main St, and even though there was not a single soul walking around the neighborhood at 8pm on a Friday night, the restaurant was surprisingly packed.  That’s always a good sign.  The décor of Casual Habana is actually very warm and inviting.   Plenty of shiny wooden tables under exposed brick walls, which give the restaurant such a rustic yet elegant feel.  The restaurant is also BYOB, and the servers will happily open whatever bottles of wine you bring with you.  Being able to drink what you want, and when you want is always a plus.  Good thing we brought three bottles of wine with us, because the buzzing sensation at the end of the meal and conversation with good friends made the night worth it.  However, the positivity stops there. 

At first glance of the 30+ dishes on the menu, you notice six stars placed next to certain dishes.  A star meant “Benny’s (the owner) favorite”.  Benny (and I really hope you read this) why would you do this?  Why would you put together a menu of over thirty dishes, and say only six of them are your favorite?  It implies that the other dishes are not only crap, but you seemingly yourself wouldn’t eat them.  Or perhaps it’s the only six items your kitchen can cook well.  Who knows?   I know you wouldn’t considering how much time you spend in the dining room having beers with your buddies.  And for the rest of you who think I’m just throwing hateful remarks, read any review of this place on Yelp and you’ll see every diner agrees with this point. 

We decided to share three appetizers between the four of us.  One of my friends asked for the “plantain chips with garlic aioli”.  “Oh sorry, we don’t have that.”  Wait, wait, wait…a Cuban restaurant and no plantain chips?  At 8pm on a Friday night?  That’s like a Mexican restaurant saying they ran out of tortilla chips.  It just doesn’t happen, nor should it.

We then shared the “fried calamari with tamarind sauce”, “yucca fries with garlic aioli”, and “homemade croquetas with (guess what!) garlic aioli”.  See a theme here?  My friends are amateur foodies in their own sense, and I very highly respect their opinions about food.  Whenever I am out with friends that are not in the industry I always wait for them to comment on the food first, just so I don’t come off as a food snob.  “There’s no seasoning in anything!”  Thank you!  Now I can speak up. 

The croquetas arrived and looked like three, as my friend described “giant mushed-up turd balls that are presented in a very phallic way”.  They were, however, the best tasting appetizer on the table.  The fried calamari was a large portion of soggy, golden-brown, no seasoned mess.  You can always tell when a place uses frozen calamari.  They get the perfect golden-brown color from the fryer, but they’re never crispy.  Now I’m not Gordan Ramsey.  I have nothing against a place like this using frozen calamari, but at least still try to put some care into it, and if anything, at least season it.  Then there were the fries, which again, had not a single grain of salt on them.  Come on Benny, even high school kids working at McDonald’s and Burger King know to season fries when they come out of the fryer!

Croquetas with Garlic Aioli

Fried (?) Calamari

By this time Benny could happily be seen schmoozing around the dining room hanging out with his buddies.  Our entrees took about a half hour to come out after our appetizers, but at this point we were more concerned about having a great time with each other than looking forward to the steak and chicken entrees we ordered.  The food was just so…depressing up until now.  Hey Benny, can you get back in the kitchen and check not only on our food, but everyone else’s as well?  I haven’t seen anything leave your kitchen in 20 minutes. 

Then our entrees arrived.  We quickly realized we weren’t just having dinner on Friday night, but easily lunch and dinner for Saturday as well.  Omg…just look at it.  Easily 3/4 of a pound of what is seemingly beef scrap grilled and put on a plate with a few slices of raw onion.  And for just three dollars more, two of my friends received easily 1.5 pounds of flank steaks on their plates.  And the taste?  All of them tasted off, as if the meat was sitting in the refrigeration unit for days. 

Flank Steak

On top of the huge portions of meat, every entrée came with two sides.  “I’ll have the fries and white rice.”  “Oh, we’re out of the white rice.”  Of course you are. 

Three of us settled on getting the “dirty rice” and French fries, with the last of us getting vegetables.  The dirty rice was nothing more than at least 3 cups of undercooked rice and beans.  The French fries, however, were the saving grace of the night.  They were McDonalds fries!  It was the first and only thing all four of us finished from our plates. 

It was around this time Benny came over to our table and asked how we were doing, and even put his hand on my shoulder.  First off, I know you meant it as a friendly gesture, but don’t touch your customers Benny.  Secondly, we found it amusing that you spent about 10-15 minutes with your buddies, but we were nothing more than just a drive-by.  Asked how we were doing and immediately moved on.  If my mouth wasn’t full of the crispy, greasy goodness of McD’s fries I totally would have let you know what I think of your food. 

Now again, I’m not going to dismiss the idea of eating in small towns of NJ.  I completely, 100% back the idea of supporting local businesses.  But not this one.  NJ locals can’t always make it to Manhattan, and sometimes just want to get together at a respectable restaurant in their home towns.  But Benny has to understand that these people are spending their hard-earned money on his food, and the customers have to understand that Benny just spit in all of their faces.  He’s basically saying “Thanks for coming out tonight.  I’m going to spend more time drinking with you and hoping you have a good time with me than worry about the food you’re eating.  At the end of the day I’m just going to steal your money.”  It pisses me off that chefs like that have restaurants and I don’t.  There was not a single ounce of caring in any of the food.  It makes absolutely no sense to me.  How can you not respect the beautiful ingredients in the kitchen?  I’m not expecting him to be a four-star chef, but at least show some damn pride in what he does.  God I hate chefs like that. 

Casual Habana

125 Main Street

Hackensack, NJ 07602